10 Ugliest All-Time Bands

By Roger Key-Glorified Babysitter and Music Correspondent

I just wanted to send a hearty hello to all you out there unfortunate enough or bored enough to be viewing this article. I am excited to be “musica professial” for the Jaqueswave and consider it only a honor that they would choose little old me to write about the thing that I love the most…(well almost the most)…..music. So without further ado here is my personal list of the 10 ugliest bands of all time:

Honorable (or UnHonorable Mention): Trixter Alright anybody who knows me (and that is the 5 people viewing this) know my unbridled bias against Trixter….as far a looks go not the worst but as far as music value and looks combined they deserve a spot on the list

10. Blue Oyster Cult: The bloated mega-rock group of the 70’s keeps living on with one hit on classic oldies stations. I can never understand a band that has one hit and everyone considers them a classic..anyway not only ugly but crappy…don’t fear the reaper (or Grim Reaper) but fear the look of BOC

9. SuperTramp: Breakfast in America no I think more like barf in the evening….not only was their career ruined by MTV but they scared millions of Americans into shaving their beards and embracing clean cut Reagan ideals.

8. Kansas: If we were ranking concerts this is in my top 3 of worst concerts however for looks it has to be an eight. Jenny Craig really needs to have an intervention with the guitarist and the rest of the band needs to become Dust in the Wind

7. Shadow: Alright Alright I know nobody outside of a two block area of Ogden knows Shadow but I have seen them so many times I have to add them. Between the bass player with eye patch and Captain Jack façade, to Pizza the Hut on drums and finally to the lead singer who had his grandma stitch his coat and accessorize for him this band is twenty years past has been’s. Thank goodness for old rock bands to open for and $2.50 Jaggerbombs to keep the dream alive!

6. ManofWar: Heavy metal thunder?!! No I think more like blatant homosexuality wrapped in a macho package. This band holds the Guniness Book of World Record for loudest concert but they are only number 6 for my top 10 ugliest bands…maybe they can find some baby oil and lube each other up

5. Rose Tattoo: Has anyone ever heard of these guys except me? Well after cruising late night tv they unfortunately appeared on Metal Mania..I felt like I was in a dream but it really was my ugly reality. Angry Anderson (the lead singer) needs to be less angry and more lucid of the look of his band…just plain ugly

4. Loverboy: Was Mike Reno really a babe for young girls in the 1983? I find it hard to believe that a bucktoothed headband wearing man could even be considered a superstar…this band’s music was ok however they look like they were Working for the Weekend all week long…please save us the deer in the headlights look if you want to be famous also is it just me or is Mike Reno the clone of David Hasslehoff you be the judge?

3. Helix: Give me an R O C K well you may know the song but you don’t know the band…not only did they infiltrate the airways with horrible cheesy videos but they look like a 70’s glamour shot. The molester mustaches have to go it just is not right

2. Grim Reaper: See you in Hell but only if Grim Reaper makes it there first because of their blatant abuse of poor lyrics, crummy videos, and horrible costumes they almost have the full package. These poor guys could not even afford new clothes or new lyrics for their stellar followup to See you in Hell which was Rock you in Hell…only people who enjoy their music and look should be sent to Hell

1. Orleans: These guys had to take the top spot and it is obvious why…were they smoking pole or just plain crazy for this ugly ugly ugly look…it reeks of the toxic waste dump called the 70’s, of subculture group homosexuality, and just doesn’t look fun…they may have been Still the One but they will always be number one in my poll!